You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
