Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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