You're completely useless in the revolution.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
