I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
