i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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