Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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