I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
