Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
