so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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