I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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