I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
