well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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