Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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