why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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