After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
