Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
