There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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