You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
