Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
