If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
