I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
