I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
