her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
