He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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