He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
