i already hear my dad disowning me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
