So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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