one two three fourrrrnication!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
