i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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