dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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