My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize