nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
