Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize