i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
