Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
