hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize