I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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