The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
