I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
