Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
