I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
