hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
