I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
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