He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
