do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
