i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
