I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
