btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
