They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
