I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize