i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
