how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
