I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
