I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My hand turned me down
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
