fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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