if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
