I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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