If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
