I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
