i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
