There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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