mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just had sex on a roof
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
