Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
