what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
