Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
