I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're like the curious george of whores
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
