oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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