He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
