that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
