watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
