Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize