im six kinds of drunk right now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
