if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
