I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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