So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
These tits shall not be calmed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
