:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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